It has been one tumultuous month at work. There was a sudden restructuring of my department, and consequently, more work was shoved onto my plate. I felt incompetent, inexperienced, and just not ready for all that followed. Then there was the challenge to take up another serving role in church. It was too much all at the same time. Almost every day, as I woke up to go to work, I asked God, ‘Why me? Why now? Why this?’
Somehow, Jeremiah 12:5 came to me:
“If you have raced with men on foot
and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country,
how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?”
But I don’t want to compete with horses; I don’t want to be found in the thickets, I told God. And I realised that in my heart I longed for domesticity… a life that is not so intense, a life that is comfortable, a life that is… maybe even lukewarm.
Yet, in wrestling with God, I knew that God wants me to run with the horses. He wants me to live above mediocrity. I can’t say that I have accepted all these wholeheartedly right now, He is showing me that He will supply, He will equip. Not just at work, but also in ministry, in life.
‘Help me to surrender my unwillingness, O Lord’