Five weeks into my part-time course, I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I’ve never felt so stretched in my life. Not during peak periods of important work assignments, not during planning for events in church, and not even during my undergraduate years. Yes, I realised that I’ve ‘smoked’ my way through life all these years.
Yet, it feels as though this is just the beginning. God said to the prophet Jeremiah,
If you have raced with men on foot
and they have worn you out,
how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country,
how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?
Somehow, this feels as though I’m just racing with men on foot; it isn’t even running with the horses. There’s more to come.
There was this sister serving in full-time Christian ministry whom I admired for her intensity. She was sold out for her vision, and her focus and perseverance was truly inspirational. As much as I admired her, I felt that I couldn’t emulate her living, because it was ‘too intense’. I realise that it wasn’t so much that I couldn’t but that I won’t, because it just takes too much. I chose a more comfortable life, and now I have ‘intensity’ thrust upon me, and I need to learn what it means to be totally focused, diligent, and to have grit to do what I need to do.
And this is just racing with men on foot. The horses can wait.